Spoiler Alert! Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters

I have a small confession to make: I am a HUGE procrastinator. (Just in case you couldn’t tell by the time between posts!) Sometimes I get caught up playing games on my phone, sometimes I’m watching movies, sometimes I’m just plain lazy. Of course that I did watch a movie during the time frame I had intended. I just never typed it up.

Well that movie (if you haven’t guessed) was Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters.

The first thing I noticed about it is that if you weren’t told it was a Godzilla movie you wouldn’t have a clue until the opening credits began.

We start with a dude in a spaceship holding a dropship hostage. He’s pissed ’cause he thinks a bunch of old people are being sent down to some dangerous planet against their will. Truth is they’re just tired of being on the ship. Push comes to shove and the dude (Captain Haruo) is tossed in the brig. While there he watched the dropship explode in the planet’s upper atmosphere. OOPS!

Roll opening credits.

Brief explanation of what has brought us to this point:
At the tail end of the 20th century kaiju show up and start fucking shit up.
Godzilla shows up and starts fucking EVERYTHING up: buildings, humans, other Kaiju.
Two races of aliens show up;
One says, “Hey, you’re all gonna die. Time to find religion: Us!”
The other says, “Hey, let us stay here and we’ll destroy Godzilla with this really cool MechaGodzilla.”
Needless to say Godzilla has a major time destroying shit.
Humanity says, “Fuck it. Let’s go find a planet to colonize.”
Which basically brings us to now.

After 20 years of being in space and not finding a place to live Haruo has been fuming over watching Godzilla kills his parents back on Earth. He has a plan to destroy Godzilla and reclaim Earth for people. After a quick thruster burn they return to Earth.

One big problem: Apparently they forgot everything they learned about space travel from watching Interstellar. They’ve actually been gone 20,000 years.

Okay, two big problems: Godzilla is still here. And he’s looking for some new shit to stomp.

Blah blah blah, flying critters, blah blah blah, electromagnetic interference, blah blah blah, let’s try Haruo’s plan.

Holy shit!!!! It worked! Godzilla blew up. Literally exploded. Yay!!! Earth is ours. Except for that rumbling sound and…Holy shit!!!! It’s another Godzilla!?! And he’s about 900 feet tall. And SUPER pissed about something. So pissed in fact, that he annihilates pretty much everybody that’s left.

Roll end credits. (Stick around…they’ve taken a page out of Marvel’s book and got a post credit scene!)

My Japanese is a bit rusty, but from what I can gather from the title of the next movie (yes, it’s a planned trilogy) MechaGodzilla should make some sort of appearance.

Maybe I should talk more about Godzilla in another post. I’m a big fan if you didn’t know.

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