Something you should know about me is I like to collect things. I’m usually pretty selective about what I decide to collect. One of the things I collect is movies. I have a rather sizeable collection. Others’ may be bigger, some others’ may be smaller, but this collection is mine. A problem with wanting to keep amassing movies is that I often find myself not watching them.
Good, bad and ugly: I will watch them all. Just not always in a timely fashion. That’s part of what got me started on this. I figured this would give me a good reason to start watching more movies and share my opinions about them.
To start things off I decided to go with a classic. I’ve had Walt Disney’s “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” sitting on my shelf since 2009. I figured this would be a clever start for “Colors Week” here at Spoiler Alert.
Just to let you know what went on here I watched the movie and took random notes to remind me of what was happening. I just wrote down the first thing that popped into my head. Looking back they can be pretty funny.
“The fucking mirror ratted her out.”
“She’s wearing wooden clogs that make no noise.”
“Are the Queen’s eyes yellow?”
“Luckily the huntsman had no balls.”
“Drama queen.” Snow runs and gets lost in the forest. Everything becomes a monster or a creepy face. She ends up throwing her arms up and spinning in circles. As the forest creatures begin to approach her I wonder if they plan on eating her.
“If this queen is so evil how come we never saw her punish the huntsman?”
“Wow. Forgot this was a musical.” Not sure how. Aren’t ALL Disney movies musical? I can handle all the singing and dancing but I’m pretty sure Snow White’s singing voice would cause me to have a psychotic break if she were real. Maybe even her normal speaking voice.
“4×3: Like an old friend you don’t really miss.” At least it didn’t stretch across the TV screen and distort the picture. I have some old DVD’s that do that. (Note to self: Get Twilight Zone on Blu.)
“The perfect foreperson.” She sweeps and forest animals do literally everything else.
“Thirsty skeleton.” HAHA! Somebody died of thirst with water just out of reach. OK, maybe the queen really IS evil. And that poison apple did look pretty tasty. I don’t even LIKE red apples.
“Angry forest critters.” After Snow saves the old crone from the forest creatures I really wanted the old crone to flip them off. You know that would’ve been funny.
“AH HA!! Clever birds.” Those buzzards were following her but not for the reason we thought. Anybody see The Bad Seed? The queen meets her demise in the same manner as he little girl in that movie.
“Tupperware Coffin.” How else did she stay so fresh? No one thought it was odd that she didn’t rot away?
Then the necrophile prince shows up and they live happily ever after. Meh.
Okay, this format might not work. Maybe I’ll try something different for the next movie. Maybe not.